I was thinking today, with graduation so close, of all the days I lost over my high school career to my eating disorder. Days I can’t remember or just can’t bare to relive because they were spent hungry and shaking and just not there. I want to leave that behind. I’ll walk the stage and then keep walking towards recovery, towards happiness, and towards health. 

SES saved me first, and now it’s up to me to keep saving me. To never go back to this. 

My aunt made a comment about how “thin and good I look” and “have i lost weight? because i look so nice” and “not that i was ‘big’ before but i just look really good now”

I guess it feels nice to be called thin or to have SOMEONE notice my weight loss but how she said it was triggering and

yeah now i just never want to eat in front of her

god forbid she thinks i’m ‘big’ again 

i’ve been triggered to restrict lately 

so i think ive been compensating by eating too much 

i just feel big 

big 

big 

big 

a;sdal;slfjslfj;

i feel like everyone is always looking at my body

urgh

i just want to work out and burn all of this flab off of my body